Smoking Rocks!

I want to start smoking. I really do. I totally dig the idea. I think more people should light up - especially if they work in an office. Actually, smoking is great for all kinds of things. We always focus on the negative aspects - you know, rotten teeth, yellow fingers, cancer, all that stuff - but I say enough's enough with the bad vibes.

I've been envious of smokers before. They have their own corner at parties where it's almost like a fraternity, a club - instant acceptance if you have cigs, an instant "in" with women ("got a light?") and always, always with something to do, to fiddle with; truly, all the coolest guys in history have been smokers. I mean it just adds a dramatic flair to anything you say, in between puffs. Try it, I swear it makes anything you say instantly hip. "Did you know," then take a drag, "I bought new shoes today? They're green."

But I digress. The reason I want to be a smoker now is because of the breaks at a jobplace. It's great. At an office, it's entirely acceptable to go "for a smoke" two, three, even four times an hour. It's fantastic! You just get up, maybe round up a few others to join you and poof! you're on the elevator downstairs - to go outside! Just stand on the sidewalk, puff a bit, chat - take your time, too, you're with friends - until you finish a "butt". I'm telling you, it's a great way to get fresh air. Smokers get all kinds of fresh air, ironically, more than us non-puffers. I couldn't just say, "hey, I'm going downstairs to stand outside for 5 minutes again, anyone wanna come chat with me?" because that would be a waste of time; I am getting paid after all.

So, I'm gonna start smoking. Who will join me?