My Mouth Is A Weapon of Mass Destruction
You think it's possible to get some kind of Ritalin dispenser implanted into my molar? 'Cuz man, I gotta learn to shut up more.
Was being a piétonnier the other day on a rather busy walking street. A botoxxed-looking smiley girl with a clipboard comes up to me, telling me all about some great new incentive program/miles/club
andhowyouhavetojoinyouwillgetallthis greatstuffsignsignsign hereitjusttakesasecondsojust signhereandwowyougetafreetotebag
And, well, it was all Ol' Matty could do to avoid his social activist berzerker mode. I began quite a fiery soliloquoy about the facade of most all incentive programs--capitalism's trick to get us to buy more. On and on about how it's all just a scam to make us use more cashola--the only "incentive" is theirs--they want us to buy more stuff. That no matter what, we are never actually "saving" money. Because if we were--why would they offer it to us? Corporations are trying to make money; they aren't trying to do us any favours. We spend, spend, spend, and eventually, perhaps, after 10 million points, we get a free suitcase. (To take on our trip, which we will need to buy a flight for--but hey--we'll get Air Miles.)
I said all this with such braggadocio that, after finally finishing off my monologue, I realized this girl thought I was a total nutter. She probably works on some kind of commission too. So not only does she now think I'm insane, I've also cost her a few bucks.
That's incentive enough to get a new job, I hope. For her sake. Maybe I can hire her to implant a Ritalin patch into my shoulder?
Was being a piétonnier the other day on a rather busy walking street. A botoxxed-looking smiley girl with a clipboard comes up to me, telling me all about some great new incentive program/miles/club
andhowyouhavetojoinyouwillgetallthis greatstuffsignsignsign hereitjusttakesasecondsojust signhereandwowyougetafreetotebag
And, well, it was all Ol' Matty could do to avoid his social activist berzerker mode. I began quite a fiery soliloquoy about the facade of most all incentive programs--capitalism's trick to get us to buy more. On and on about how it's all just a scam to make us use more cashola--the only "incentive" is theirs--they want us to buy more stuff. That no matter what, we are never actually "saving" money. Because if we were--why would they offer it to us? Corporations are trying to make money; they aren't trying to do us any favours. We spend, spend, spend, and eventually, perhaps, after 10 million points, we get a free suitcase. (To take on our trip, which we will need to buy a flight for--but hey--we'll get Air Miles.)
I said all this with such braggadocio that, after finally finishing off my monologue, I realized this girl thought I was a total nutter. She probably works on some kind of commission too. So not only does she now think I'm insane, I've also cost her a few bucks.
That's incentive enough to get a new job, I hope. For her sake. Maybe I can hire her to implant a Ritalin patch into my shoulder?
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