Stolen Underwear

PS. Blogs STILL Suck

I just had to put that there.

For Whom The Poll Tolls

I say, leave those polling booths up in all the schools, churches and community centres across the country. Why take them apart, put the tables away, tear down the signs?

We'll just be voting again in a few months: Leave 'em up.

Less hassle.

Blogs are lame.

You know, these blogs are kinda dumb. Everyone and his half-twin has one these days and they are kinda getting lame. I kinda hate that people think blogs are "journalism" too. I kinda hate that everyone has an opinion about everything too. I think if I read mine I'd think I'm a dork.

A Better World

Wouldn't the world be a better place if:

All the gay guys were like Will Truman;
All the lesbians were like the ones in porn;
All the straight guys were like Homer Simpson or Peter Griffin;
And all the straight girls were like the ones in Beverly Hills 90210.

Then everyone would fit their stereotypes - it would be a true Pleasantville.

Fuck Going To That Party

I have to say, dear reader, most social interactions involving a group of heretofore strangers are beginnning to wear on your favourite sleepless bon vivant-turned-socialite-turned-hermit-turned-wannabe bohemian-turned genteel debauchee-turned author.
 
Why? Well, every conversation seems to begin with an interrogation to determine just what *kind* of person you are. The first question, after some stupid joke over the punch bowl or someone's strange looking shirt is: "so what do you do?"
 
"I'm an consultant. I'm a lawyer. I'm a teacher. I'm in contstruction. I bite chicken heads off and then glue them to fabric as part a pomo commentary on the state of the environment, and sell my work on ebay."
 
Whatever you say now shapes who you are; what you are - you become judged.  It shows, perhaps, how much money you earn (or don't), the circles you travel in (or don't) all according to well-established social stereotypes: 1. Lawyers snort coke and lie for a living, 2. Teachers are lazy and take summers off, 3. Construction workers are less intelligent and sweat a lot.
 
But, of course: the construction worker could have a PhD (God, I sound like Amanda Marshall) , not all lawyers snort coke and lie, and Teachers work pretty hard most of the time. Not to say that the laywer might not inhale blow like it was going out of style (maybe he bought it off one of the highschool teacher's students?), but we just don't know, and it shouldn't shape who the person is, and what the person has to say, in the first one minute of the conversation.
 
I think there should be a rule that no one should be allowed to say what they do.
 
Stick to the tried, tested and true inane conversations about news, weather and sports. Let's not bother even trying to get to know each other, because, over the punchbowl in a five-minute conversation, honestly - how much knowing can you do?
 
 
 
 

Denmark Versus Canada: All Oot War!

For those of you wondering where I stand on the "big fight" between Canada and Denmark on Hans Island - because of my Danish Canadian-ness - I've put a lot of thought into it. About 7 seconds.

I'd say it's fairly clear as to whom was there first; who can lay claim to the rock. Is it called Beaver Island? Moose Island? Douggie Island? Frontenac Island?

No.

It's called Hans Island.

So.

Smoking Rocks!

I want to start smoking. I really do. I totally dig the idea. I think more people should light up - especially if they work in an office. Actually, smoking is great for all kinds of things. We always focus on the negative aspects - you know, rotten teeth, yellow fingers, cancer, all that stuff - but I say enough's enough with the bad vibes.

I've been envious of smokers before. They have their own corner at parties where it's almost like a fraternity, a club - instant acceptance if you have cigs, an instant "in" with women ("got a light?") and always, always with something to do, to fiddle with; truly, all the coolest guys in history have been smokers. I mean it just adds a dramatic flair to anything you say, in between puffs. Try it, I swear it makes anything you say instantly hip. "Did you know," then take a drag, "I bought new shoes today? They're green."

But I digress. The reason I want to be a smoker now is because of the breaks at a jobplace. It's great. At an office, it's entirely acceptable to go "for a smoke" two, three, even four times an hour. It's fantastic! You just get up, maybe round up a few others to join you and poof! you're on the elevator downstairs - to go outside! Just stand on the sidewalk, puff a bit, chat - take your time, too, you're with friends - until you finish a "butt". I'm telling you, it's a great way to get fresh air. Smokers get all kinds of fresh air, ironically, more than us non-puffers. I couldn't just say, "hey, I'm going downstairs to stand outside for 5 minutes again, anyone wanna come chat with me?" because that would be a waste of time; I am getting paid after all.

So, I'm gonna start smoking. Who will join me?

Gr8 G-8

I'm reprinting a letter I read in today's NOW; it sums up so much I felt about the Live-8 concert last week.

(And by reprinting, I really mean retyping - it's not in the online verion of NOW.)

Drinking to debt's content

Michael Hollet is right, and since my original cynicism had me ignoring the event in Barrie the other weekend, I decided to make up for it and this weekend dedicated every beer I drank to African debt relief. To recreate the musical line-up, I also made a play list of the whitest bands I could think of, and since I didn't have Dan Aykroyd to MC for me, I just loaded up a tequila advertisement and put it on repeat.

Then, before I was too gone (poverty is history and I've the empties to prove it), I signed an online petition only to realize that I was adding my name to those demanding that softball return to the 2012 Olympic Games. Darn.

So I didn't manage to get the petition right, - but I'm going to try the whole thing again next week. Call me an idealist, but I believe that if I party hard enough and rock bad enough I'm going to totally save Africa.

Justin Stayshyn
Toronto

Buds in the Ears

What's happened to dialogue? It seems to be an endangered species in our modern technocentric society where every other young person seems to be wearing a headset, preferably white to act as a badge of iPod ownership. Listening to music and being culturally aware is great but there comes a point when it's time to put down the headphones and engage with the people around you; you can't have a real discussion with sound blasting into your ears from a set of buds.

I see examples of disfunctionality, and lack of interaction, all around: a family sitting on the subway with the two kids sitting in the middle, each with a set of headphones on; a boyfriend and girlfriend walking down the street holding hands, headphones in the ears; or a group of friends heading home from school, headphones in the ears - none of these people are talking or connecting with one another. Are we to enter into a world where we are all isolated from one another except for the most important of interactions? In a world like this it would be difficult ot form a social consensus on issues affecting us.

The basis of democracy is engaging with your fellow citizen in discussion, talking about pertinent issues and generally finding out what's going on in the community. How is democracy to survive as people act in a more and more isolating manner? While iPod and cool may be synonymous, has our technology come to own us as more and more people jump on the band wagon? When we become more interested in self-gratification than engaging with those around us we are stepping onto a path with real pitfalls - the powerful are more than happy to have us as mindless vessels, filled to overflowing with content from our iPods rather than as active, engaged citizens.

provided by guest mh.net panelist Andrew Randell